When I was younger, my mum taught me many things about life in general. That you get washed and dressed in the morning, always eat breakfast because it’s the most important meal of the day and show some respect to your elders.
So I seem a little baffled as to why these lessons aren’t being taught to some of our young. It seems that the most important life lessons are being ignored and I now feel that it’s my duty as a mummy, to guide these little lost souls, as I now lovingly refer to them as “Generation Chav”.
I would now like to lay down some of the ground rules that I was taught as a child, they are very simple I will try not to baffle you with long words and if you don’t understand a word you can google it ( I know you will understand that word)
Lesson 1. Please don’t feel it necessary to walk around the shops with your Pyjamas on. Pyjamas are BED CLOTHES and should be worn in the privacy of your own home. Primark, Top shop, New look etc were not invented just to make the high street look pretty you know, they sell a massive range of stylish clothes at affordable prices and there is one on a high street near YOU.
Lesson 2. Personal Hygiene this is one of the most important lessons you will ever learn, a bar of soap costs 7 pence in Asda ( I googled that). I really don’t want to walk past you in the street and then smell you for the next ten minutes because you smelt so bad. A few years ago now there was a shop that opened called Pound land (the clue is in the name) everything is £1 surprisingly! They sell everything from deodorant to special crappy toys so no excuses.
Lesson 3. Now many celebrities will benefit from this life lesson. Underwear is VERY important. My Nan used to say “make sure you put clean underwear on every day, just incase you got run over”. Now if some of these youngsters got run over, well let’s just say it wouldn’t be a pretty sight with no underwear on. I don’t wish to see your bits and bobs on display as you climb out of your car and I certainly don’t think it necessary to have your other bits and bobs unsupported that is just wrong. Please see lesson one for good places to buy these garment from and PLEASE start using them you look a sight.
Lesson 4. Rollers in your hair are for the home and the hairdressers, not for walking around the shops on a Saturday morning. You may think you look fabulous but really YOU DONT.
Lesson 5. Now I’m certain that you have never heard the saying “less is more” come on ladies it’s just not nice or classy to walk around with more cheap gold draped on you than they have got in the window of the half price jewellers. Ditch the cheap gold and accessorise with style.
Lesson 6. PLEASE STOP feeling the need to paint yourself ORANGE, you look like you have been slapped by the tango man and the man from Del Monte he will say a big fat no. Girls come on self tan is fine and you can get some really classy looking self tans. But please STOP adding to it every day, you look like you haven’t washed for a few years.
Lesson 7. Now this is where I start sounding like I’m repeating myself, no not because I’m getting old but because you are making the same mistakes. Makeup is supposed to be a statement of who you are and it’s not supposed to look like you grabbed a trowel and forgot to looking in the mirror. Again ladies “LESS IS MORE”.
Lesson 8. Now mobile phones are a great invention it means that you can go anywhere and still be contacted. But please young chav when having a conversation on your mobile, don’t feel it necessary to shout the person on the other end of the phone isn’t deaf and I don’t need to know how big your latest conquest was.
Lesson 9. Manners they don’t cost you anything, just simple words PLEASE and THANK YOU. See they aren’t that hard to say. Go on practice and when I hold the door open for you or you want me to move out of your way say these little words and they will get you further than grunting at me. I don’t have a qualification in grunting, but I am learning I do have a teenager.
Lesson 10. Now for the last lesson of the day. I see some of these lovely young Chav’s have off spring of their own. Lovely little things they are, with snotty noses, little chav chains and an attitude bigger than their parents. But please big chav don’t see this as your god given right to haul abuse at these little ones. It’s not nice to stand there shouting nasty and vile words at your child and its certainly not acceptable to slap then in any way, shape or form.
So there you have it, life isn’t that hard, and if you follow my 10 lesson plan you can be CHAV free by the end of the day.
Lots of love Mummy Mission