I love watching the Apprentice, but it’s now 3 weeks in and some of them are grating against me and making me feel so cross. Take Melissa for instance she is “supposed” to be this amazing business woman who deals in the food industry. So why was it she couldn’t do the figures for a single bread roll last night and the “Amazing” Paloma, who done nothing but moan about how their team leader was performing, yet she failed to even offer her services to be a “Team Leader” in the first place. These people are supposed to be academics yet they fail to multi task every week, they most certainly don’t know what the word “TEAM WORK” means and don’t get me started on common sense!

So I have decided to lend some of my mummy advice to these brains of business and a few ideas for some of the tasks we should make these amazing Apprentices do!


You have to change a baby’s bum whilst holding a telephone conversation with either the bank manager/school head or other.


Getting the baby settled, whist warming the milk and feeding a baby whilst, trying not to wake the other children and the other half.


This is a killer; this will sort the men from the boys. They need to have the worst night sleep and then still get up in the morning, get them all dressed whilst sorting breakfast and lunches. Then get them all off to school on time, then go to work.

Task Four: WEANING

This one is harder than the muffins task last night, in fact I would have gladly swopped for that task. It’s all about timing and remembering to duck at the right moments.

Task Five: KIDS TV

This task is all about trying to preserve all your working brain cells (well whatever you have left) and to try have a sneaky sleep whilst your child isn’t watching you.


They will need to find childcare at the drop of a hat. This task will need organisational skills, help of family and lots of good friends.


This task will baffle even the most educated Apprentice, you will have a to-do list with 50 tasks or more and you must complete them all before bedtime…GO!


This task you will be helping one or more children with different levels of homework, whilst trying to cook tea and tidy up any toys been left lying around.

Task Nine: BEDTIME

This is one the hardest task’s ever, even super nanny struggles with bedtime. So this task is to take three children to bed and make them stay there all night.


Now if they passed this task I would employ them all. The must go to the supermarket and do a full weeks shop, with a tired and ratty 2 year old.

As a Mummy we have to learn to think on our feet, multi task a million jobs at a time and hit the ground running.

So next time you hear one of these Apprentices moaning about:

Team work

Not being listened to

Being spoken over

Being over ruled

Being an ACADEMIC!

Then all you mummy’s just remember we may not be the brains of business (well I’m not), we may not be the most educated (me again) but we have the hardest job in the world, but also the most rewarding too. So they can keep their posh jobs and nice suits, give me chocolate finger designer jeans and a sicky tshirt any day of the week. 

I’m a mummy and very proud of it and you should be too.

PS  They should be grateful i never sent in the TEENAGERS, that when the trouble begins.

About Lena Doherty

Mummy to four and Wifey to one. I'm a 34 year old,who is following her dream of becoming a Freelance Journalist/Columnist. Trying to make a better life for her little family, dreams of living in the country. Thats all really!
This entry was posted in children, educated, family life, mum, the apprentice. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. I love that….and all very true!!

  2. So true! You don't know the meaning of the word multi-tasking until you become a Mum.You did miss one thing off your list though that has had me running to the supermarket very late in the evening (thank goodness for 24 hour shopping) – just as you tuck a child in bed they mutter the words "Mummy I need a xxxx costume for tomorrow morning"

  3. I haven't (currently) got kids but i have an eight year old ,hyperactive brother… the Apprentices wouldn't stand a chance!Great post!

  4. jenmum says:

    That is so true. It's the sleep deprivation that kills me. Being on Appentice is probably much easier (apart perhaps for all the bitching.)

  5. Louyorks says:

    Love this post! That bunch of 'business apprentices' wouldn't stand a chance if they swapped places with me for a day!

  6. ella says:

    I love this post, especially the last line about the teenagers. I nodded along with it all, but the homework one would really make most of them fail I think, hate that time of day!

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