THE BABY YEARS – 0- 1
1. The birth can go either way it can be long and traumatic or it can be quick and easy. But what they don’t tell you is you will probably suffer from either a tear or piles. Both not nice and both will make weeing uncomfortable for a few days.
2. Remember your Boobs? Well you had better forget them right now because as we speak they are heading south (and I don’t mean heading to London) and they will leak on you at the most inappropriate time. Be warned!
3. Sleep will become a thing of the past; you will learn to survive on half an hour a night and probably less during the teething stages.
4. Advice: Having a baby and being seen with it in public gives total strangers the green light pop over and have a look, which is great but it also gives them the right to give you the most bizarre advice ever!
5. A quick trip to the shops will become a thing of the past, trips in future will be planned in military style. You will need 2 milk bottles (just in case), a water bottle, bibs, 2 changes of clothes, unlimited nappies, wipes, dummies, blankets, favourite bear and that’s only for a quick trip to the asda. If you decided to go out for the day or god forbid your even thinking of planning a holiday them you will need to hire a bloody van!
6. Your lovely quiet, clean and tranquil home WILL turn into a scene from how clean is your home. No matter how many times you clean, tidy and Hoover you will always find a bottle or toy belonging to the new addition.
7. The Health Visitor: This is normally either a woman in her 50’s or a woman in her 20’s the older the health visitor normally the better (I said normally) the younger ones will speak to you like they are reading from a text book. You ask them a question and they will google the answer!
8. You will become very familiar with your kitchen sink as you will spend so much time cleaning bottles, but your kitchen will be the cleanest room in the house.
9. You will have a new best friend, the washing machine. You may have the smallest house guest you have ever had but they will create the greatest washing pile ever!
10. Mummy/Daddy relationships, they will change dramatically! If he moves in for a cuddle, you pretend you’re asleep in fear that he might want a bit of the other and you are simply just too tired.
Hope all of this has helped and if you have any of your own leave it in the comments box.
Lots of love
Mummy
Lena Doherty
A Mum on a Mission 
And as they get older you’re always going to be a) tired b) worried and c) wrong.
A breastfeeding mummy just needs to pack a nappy for a trip to the shops. No milk or water required! Easy peasy!
Hi there Lena (guessing that is your name from the email address!!!!)
I just read a bit of your blog thanks to Beth at JamandCream tweeting about it. It’s brilliant 🙂 I am not a mummy (not sure I want to be one just yet – I love children but the thought of having my own scares the crap out of me!) But my sister and loads of friends are and they, like you, are very very good at giving a no-crap real life view of motherhood. If I do end up having kids I think I will be pretty well educated…..although probably still completely unprepared 😉 Anyway I just wanted to give you some encouragement, because it takes guts for you to speak out and be honest about your experiences (I’m thinking of the Bad Mummy Club in particular!). I hope lots of other people have encouraged you too, I’m sure loads of Mums have found it really helpful 🙂
I’ll try to follow you on Twitter too so I can keep up to date.
Keep going!
Lauren 🙂
PS – I hope you don’t mind me commenting. I’m not a stalker, promise 😉
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for leaving a comment. I’m sure when you are a mummy you will be fab, just like the rest of us bad mummys.
Give me a wave on twitter and i will follow you back.
Ps im not a stalker either! Haha xx
Those are SO true!! Great post hun xoxoxox
love it xx